**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


Hi Monkey

Lots of things have happened this month.. and it isn't even over yet.

You would have been 6 months old on the 6th. It was so tough for me, because I really wanted you to be here.. and I wanted to see the progress you would have made... sitting up, eating some smooshy food, smiling, learning to crawl.. your personality would have been out even more by now.

Mummy and Daddy also booked a trip to Cuba for the end of the month. That should be a relaxing trip for us... let the 'big guy' know and maybe he can send us lots of sunshine!!

Also, we went to Kingston for Thanksgiving- that was interesting.. mummy and daddy cooked a whole big turkey for that side of the family. I think we did a good job :)
I wish you were there to eat the carrotts. Daddy got sad when he was peeling them, because he would have been peeling them for you, and then using the blender to smoosh them up. He went to get a radio so he didn't have the quiet... he finds when it is quiet ... he is more sad. he wants to be happy that you weere here,.... not sad that you are gone.

Wel... I should go... I have to go to work
Mummy and daddy love you more than anything else.
Love you,

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Love you.. wish I could give you a big bear hug and a big sloppy kiss.

I'll write more soon.. promise


Monday, October 6, 2008


Hi Baby Boy,

I couldn't do it today. I couldn't face the world of people who don't understand and seem like they don't care. I couldn't put up that new 'wall' I have to wear constantly while at work so that people think I am ok. Today I needed a day to just be me, who lost you, who is eternally sad, and won't ever get better. Today I needed to stay in bed as long as I wanted, and cry as much as I wanted, with noone to judge me, or try to make me feel better. I want to be sad today.

Today, my love, you are 6 months old. If you were with me, we would be making yummy food for you, you would probably be crawling soon, you could use your high chair. You would have changed so much. And Daddy and I will never ever get to see those changes in you. Everyday is hard.. but today would have been an exciting milestone for you... you would have learned so much... come so far... loved so much.. been so happy.. and I would have too.

I'll Love You Forever... Forever is so long without you my boy... so long.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


Hi Monkey,

I'm all alone this weekend.. well not all alone, some people have been over here and there.. but your daddy isn't here.. so I feel alone.
I miss you more when he isn't here.. because I am missing both of my best boys.

I love you Noah... I love you more than these words could ever say...