**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve

Hi Noah-Bear,

It's Christmas Eve, Daddy is working, and I am getting everything ready to go to Kingston- we will visit your spot when we are there visiting Grammie and Grampie.

Just checking in to say hello, and we miss you, and we wish you were here so badly. Christmas will never be the same again.. there will always be a person in our family missing.

We Love you.. and we are going to make sure we try to have a good time this Christmas... because since you aren't here.. we have to have fun for you too.
We love you

Sunday, December 21, 2008


Hi Little Man,

I wish it wouldn't be 'weird' to buy you Christmas presents! If things were different I would be buying toys and cute little clothes... and I would be buying little boy fun wrapping paper... I would have enjoyed that a lot! Instead.. I try to stay away from places where I might run into too much baby stuff.

1 year ago I thought things would be so different... WOW.. how life throws us curveballs.. but this is more than a curveball.. this isn't fair.

I wish you were here with Mummy and Daddy. We miss you a lot.

Come visit me in my dreams tonight my precious boy

Love you forever,

Thursday, December 18, 2008

1 week 'til Christmas

Hi Monkey,
Today was my last day of work before the holidays.
It went pretty good.. the kids sang well at the concert.

I missed you a lot today.. just letting you know.. I think of you constantly.

Today Mummy and Daddy went to the Dr. about having a brother or sister for you. Mummy needs to take medicine at certain times and go to lots and lots of Doctor appointments for blood tests and ultrasounds.. but eventually.. hopefully sooner than later we will be pregnant with your sibling! I can't wait! It will be so hard, because the baby will not be you.. and won't ever replace you.. and Mummy will be so worried about the new baby being sick as well.. BUT as you know, Mummy and Daddy are good parents, and really want a child here on earth with us for a long, long time.

Love you Noah, just checking in to remind you how much I LOVE you, and to let you know about our Dr. appointment.

Love you, Love you, Love you

Monday, December 8, 2008


Well.. It is officially the Christmas Season.. last your you would ahve heard Christmas in my belly... lots of jingly music and the sound of crunching paper.. from opening gifts... this year.. it is so hard. I didn't think Christmas would ever behard... I didn't think that those two words.. hard and Christmas would be in the same sentence.
On saturday we went to the Mall to look for a coat for daddy.. and boy, was it hard.. strollers, babies, kids, happy parents, happy families.. all so excited for the season, so exicted to see Santa.. I couldn't stand it without you. I needed to leave.. so we did.
That probably would have been the weekend that we brought you to have your picture taken with Santa. Oh.. how I would love to see what you would have looked like at 8 months old! so handsome i'm sure!

I love you Noah.. I'll write more in a couple week, when school closes for the holidays... I'll be at home, and bored...
I miss you every second of the day... still... beleive me.. time doesn't heal...these scars won't heal... only two days, but too many memories to heal, good memories!
I love you I love you I love you