**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Sunday, May 31, 2009


HI Munchkin-Noodle!
This past few weeks I've missed you lots. I miss you always- but the past few weeks I have been extra missing you- I think it's probably because I've been off work, and have been a little extra worried about your brother or sister. I guess it's only natural to be worried about him or her.
It all feels so surreal- you were here, but now gone, it's been just about 14 months, I'm pregnant and got through the first trimester... this will probably be the very best, and very worst 2 years in my life, and daddy's too.

We had a yard sale yesterday- it was pretty good! Daddy loves yard sales- mostly because he gets to go around and look at everyone elses junk too! Your Daddy is great. and this time.. he actually didn't buy a thing- which is amazing!

Daddy and I are going to go get groceries now, so we can eat dinner!
I love you Noah- thanks for looking down on us, I hope you are proud of us.
Love you forever,

Friday, May 15, 2009


Hi Noah- It's been a long time since we were there, but daddy and I, and Grammie and Grammpie went to Niagara falls during the winter. We saw a beautiful rainbow, and I've been meaning to show you.
Love you

Hi Munchkin

Hi Munchin-Monkey,

Mummy is very bored today. She has to be home so that she doesn't get your brother or sister sick from a little illness that is happening at her work.

I think in a few minutes I am going to get some flowers for your garden, and for the front gardens! I usually do that with daddy, but he is so busy at work because it is the Friday before a long weekend. Are there flowers in heaven baby boy? I hope so, I think you'd love them!

Love you forever and ever and ever,

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day?

Hi Monkey,

Today is Mother's Day... The second one since I've known and loved you.
I know you consider me a Mother- which makes me so happy- I just wish you were here, so you and daddy could do regular Mother's day stuff with me. It's such an awkward day now that you're gone, and not many know I am pregnant with your little sibling.
Not many people acknowledge that I'm a mother anymore- I think most try to avoid the subject altogether. I know they don't try to hurt me- they just don't know what to say- noone knows what to say-- not even daddy sometimes.

Please know that I am your Mummy.. and I love you just as much as I will love the rest of my children. Everyday- whether Mother's day or not- I think of you, I wish for you, I need you. This will never change.
Thank you for making me a Mummy. Whether anyone else cares/knows/acknowledges it or not- We will always have that- Just us- you're my first baby- and you made me a mother. Thank you!
I love you forever,

Thursday, May 7, 2009

miss you

I miss you so much right now... it's amazing how these feelings can come flooding back in a heartbeat... I want you here, with me.
Love you forever,


Hi Munchkin!
Just like when i was pregnant with you- I now have pregnancy brain again!
I told you Cole and Breanna's birthday was Saturday and Sunday- but I was wrong, it was Sunday and Monday!!!! Apparently Mummy can't read a calendar! hahaha

I'm sure you knew that, and were just letting me be wrong :)

Love you- Hope you party in heaven with all your friends was fun! sorry I missed it.

Love you forever,

Friday, May 1, 2009


Well Munchkin, today is May 1st.
The beginning of another month without you.
I used to love the beginning of new months.. but now, thye hurt a little.

Tomorrow and Sunday it is Cole and Breanna's birthdays. Have a big party for them in heaven ok?? There mummy and daddy would like that!

Just writing to say I love you, although I hope you know that!

Love you forever,