**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Family photos

Hi baby bear!

We try, each year before fall to get family photos!! This year we are in a new place , so I don't have my usual friend photographers around, so I had to scout out a new one!! I found Jennifer Dawe Photography. She-was-awesome!!!!
So far we have our sneak peeks ... What a tease! I can't wait to see more!
Charlotte was a real ham the day of the shoot, hyper and in a running mood! Jennifer made us feel comfy and happy! We also strategically had the photos taken at he park where your memorial stone is, so we could get some photos of it too! And of course, your froggy Milton made it in too!


I had to share the link that way... Because I am on my iPad and can't figure out the blogger app beyond simple typing !

Just wanted to share!

Love you forever,

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Another memorial

Hi baby bear,
Now that we live in st. Johns, we wanted something here in the city as a memorial to you. We have your grave in Kingston, your tree in Brampton, and now, a stone in the walkway of the garden of memories at Bannerman park in St. Johns

Here is a photo of your sister laying by your new stone!

It's a beautiful park and it is in the midst of being renovated and revitalized, it's really close to AMA and Poppy's house, and has a nice big play park in it! I can see us being there quite a bit!!
Love you forever!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

'Someone Came Before You'

Dear Noah Bear,

Your sister is understanding little-by-little, more and more about you. We've always talked about you, spoken your name, honoured your memory and kept family traditions that involve your memory. We always will. But before now she was just too young to understand what a brother is (without seeing one) let alone understand the death of an older brother, who was a baby, who isn't here anymore. It's all a little confusing for an adult mind, let alone a toddler!

She has a book called 'Someone Came Before You', which is a book I bought a year or so ago. I've read it to her once or twice before, but latly she has picked it to be one of her bedtime books most nights! She takes time on each page to ask questions, and try to understand what is happening. I think she is really starting to comprehend. Today, when we weren't reading it she even asked some questions about the 'special little baby', who died, who made room in mummy and daddy's heart for another little baby- and that little baby was her!

You can find out more about the book HERE.

Noah, you are such a special part of our family, and always will be!

Love you forever,

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Family Pictures

Dear Noah,

Life is sweet- I'm sure you've looked down on us lately and noticed how happy life is. Day to day we spend with people we love, talk to those who aren't as close, and find ways to honour your memory.

Family vacations, family pictures, family weddings- are all hard spots for me. After you died I didn't think there would ever be a time when I would be happy, not truly happy. Now, I am happy-- but there is always a 'but'.  ... You aren't here. You will always be missing on vacations, and pictures and partys and weddings.

We, your family will never, ever forget you. But I feel like you are little, by little being forgotten by the world. I feel the need to do more things in your memory, to include you in photos and in posts.

We had family pictures taken a few weeks ago. I missed you. We brought your Milton Froggy with us for the pictures.  Here is one:)

I love how your sister holds your froggy with such care. She is getting to know you. She calls you 'Buffa Norwah', and she  smiles when she looks at your pictures. 

Both of you are blessings to us. You both have changed my world.

I love you Noah, and miss you so much. What I would do for another cuddle, another day, another minute. 

Love you forever, 

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A long time

Noah Bear,

It's been a long time since I posted here. Longer than I ever thought it would be. I've written- I just haven't published the posts. I keep thinking that my posts aren't 'good enough', or might be taken the wrong way, or in a different way than I intended! really- I think I care too much about what other people think.and I hate that that feeling has affected my blog- the place I used to feel so safe writing.

Christmas has come and gone- and so has 2011. It was a good year, as years without you go. Charlotte keeps us very busy, and life continues to be busy too.

All through our busy life, we don't stop remembering you, and thinking of you. Wondering, wishing, hoping.

Christmas was quite fun this year- Your sister actually understood a bit about it- she knew it was special, she knew is was fun, she loved the presents and the whole idea of santa claus. It was so nice to see her face- innocent and full of wonder, surprise and glee as she saw the Christmas tree lights, hung her stocking, say the presents under the tree, heard the Christmas crackers open at the dinner table.... but as always, there was something missing. I caught myself many times wondering how the moment might be different with you here.. with a little 3 1/2 year old running around with that precious little 2 year old. Wishing you were here to share in the joy of Christmas.

Every year since you were born your Grammie has gotten you an ornament. It's a nice tradition. She gets one for Charlotte as well.  Our tree is full of 'Noah' things- frogs and g-rafs, angels and butterflies, and now, 4 little ornaments from Grammie! Of course, there is lots of other things on the tree too.

Charlotte is beginning to learn more about you. She knows your picture, calls you Noraw (not to be confused with 'NaNa', which is what she calls her cousin, Norah).  Ama took Charlotte to a production called 'Love you Forever' where a production company acted out a few different Robert Munsch books. Ever since then, Charlotte has been obsessed with the song 'Love You Forever', whish is the song I quote everytime I close a blogspot to you. She sings it to her baby, sings it to be, and asks to be sung it at least 5 times a day. It's comforting to sing that song.

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

I only wish I could be singing it with Charlotte AND you in my arms.

Merry Christmas Baby Bear

Love you forever,

Here is a not so good quality picture of the 2009 ornament from Grammie! It's a little boy angel on a candle, and it says 'sleep in heavenly peace'