**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Noah Awards

Hi Noah Bear,

Poppy set up this Award in your name last year. It finally has a web site. We have been raising money for it- and doing a pretty good job! Mostly it is the family doing the donating, but that's ok! We love you!

http://www.med.mun.ca/phru/noah-awards.aspx If you have the internet up there.... check it out!  

And if anyone reading this has a few dollars to spare, please consider donating!

I miss you lots today hunny. It's a lazy day at home, it's cold outside... I miss not having you with us- everyone together. 
I love you forever, 
Noah Curtis Godwin Lloyd

Monday, January 25, 2010

Beautiful Face

Hi Baby boy... do you remember how beautiful you are? I do!

Here you are in your Noah's Ark sleepers! you were so tiny!

Here you are, sleeping. You loved to be swaddled.

I"ll always remember your beautiful face!

Love you forever,

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I miss you when......

I miss you lots today my baby bear.... I miss the 4 person family that I will never get to have all together....

I miss  you when I'm happy
I miss you when I'm sad
I miss you when I see your sister cry
I miss you when I see your sister smile
I miss you when I dress you sister in sleepers meant for you
I miss you when I kiss her goodnight
I miss you when she is bathed in your tub
I miss you when daddy kisses her
I miss you when daddy kisses me
I miss you when we go on family walks
I miss you when we play RockBand and Charlotte laughs
I miss you when I see your picture, which happen to be everywhere!
I miss you when I see a froggie
I miss you when I see a g-raf
I miss you at church
I miss you when I go to sleep
I miss you when I sing to your sister
I miss you when I read to your sister
I miss you when I'm taking pictures
I miss you when I go to stores that have things for little boys

I miss you always..... nothing is 'right' without you
Love you forever,

Friday, January 15, 2010

:) Happy Friday Noah! :)

HI Noah bear,

Your sister is sleeping, so I have a little time to write to you and say Hello!

Are you a proud big brother?  I'm sure you are. I wish I could have seen you with your sister. I'm sure you would have been an awesome help for Mummy- gathering stuff for me, and making sure the doggy is getting enough attention. I think Charlotte misses you, even though she never did meet you.

You are a big boy now- soon you'll be 2!
Have you grown in heaven, or did you stay little, like you were when you left us? I'm not sure what happens there. In some ways- I hope you stay nice and small, but in other ways I hope you grow into a strong young boy, and man that you would have been if we were allowed to keep you with us.  I know I'll never get an answer to that question.... I just wish I knew. I wish I knew a lot of things about you, and how things are where you are, and why it is that you can't be here with Mummy. I would have been such a good Mummy to you if you'd stayed.

It's Auntie Kate's birthday today! I hope you send her birthday wishes from heaven! She is having a little baby cousin for you and Charlotte in May. Uncle Peter is going to be a great Daddy!  We don't know if they are having a boy or a girl- we'll find out when the baby arrives!  I secretly hope it's a girl.... you are our boy...it would just  make it harder if they had a boy... I know, I know- at some point- someone in the family will have a boy- but I'm just not sure I'm ready yet. But if they do have a boy, I will love him like no other Auntie ever has! Don't worry... mostly Mummy is just jealous of people who get to keep their boys. I shouldn't be- but I am! Maybe overtime, this feeling will stop- but I don't know! you've made a big impact on my sweetheart!

I love you Noah- I love you soo, soo, soo much!
I Love you FOREVER,

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Miss, Miss, Miss

Hi Baby Bear,

Gramma went home yesterday. I miss her. I think that when I miss other people, like your daddy when he is at work, or away at a meeting, or your grandparents, or your uncle.. then it makes me miss you even more.
Is missing you more, possible? I'm not sure, but today I'm feeling it.
I love you
I love you forever,

Friday, January 1, 2010

Your Place

Hi Baby Bear,

Just wanted to show you a few pictures of your place in Kingston!

Uncle Steve made you a g-raf!! isn't he cute!

here is your snowman solar light!

Your sister and your place. She is all bundled up because it was very cold, and snowy.

There is daddy with the two of you

And Mummy too.

I love you Noah. Christmas is so hard without you. come visit me in my dreams.. please!
I love you, I miss you, I need you.
Love you forever,