HI Noah bear,
Your sister is sleeping, so I have a little time to write to you and say Hello!
Are you a proud big brother? I'm sure you are. I wish I could have seen you with your sister. I'm sure you would have been an awesome help for Mummy- gathering stuff for me, and making sure the doggy is getting enough attention. I think Charlotte misses you, even though she never did meet you.
You are a big boy now- soon you'll be 2!
Have you grown in heaven, or did you stay little, like you were when you left us? I'm not sure what happens there. In some ways- I hope you stay nice and small, but in other ways I hope you grow into a strong young boy, and man that you would have been if we were allowed to keep you with us. I know I'll never get an answer to that question.... I just wish I knew. I wish I knew a lot of things about you, and how things are where you are, and why it is that you can't be here with Mummy. I would have been such a good Mummy to you if you'd stayed.
It's Auntie Kate's birthday today! I hope you send her birthday wishes from heaven! She is having a little baby cousin for you and Charlotte in May. Uncle Peter is going to be a great Daddy! We don't know if they are having a boy or a girl- we'll find out when the baby arrives! I secretly hope it's a girl.... you are our boy...it would just make it harder if they had a boy... I know, I know- at some point- someone in the family will have a boy- but I'm just not sure I'm ready yet. But if they do have a boy, I will love him like no other Auntie ever has! Don't worry... mostly Mummy is just jealous of people who get to keep their boys. I shouldn't be- but I am! Maybe overtime, this feeling will stop- but I don't know! you've made a big impact on my sweetheart!
I love you Noah- I love you soo, soo, soo much!
I Love you FOREVER,
Mummy
Todos Santos
7 years ago
2 comments:
I'm not ready for anyone in my family to have a boy either. I can handle it a little better with friends but maybe by the time it happens my heart will be prepared.
One of my aunts believes reincarnation is possible. I don't know that that makes sense to me. Another one of my aunts believes she'll see her loved ones who have passed away again in heaven. I don't know what heaven's like, and I don't always know if I believe it exists. I don't think we would have "ages" in heaven, kinda like we're "age-less" there. Of course, you're asking the hard questions: the things none of us know the answers to while we're alive.
I still get jealous when I hear of someone with CF who is over the age of 23. That's the age at which my cousin died. There's definitely way less jealousy than there used to be. I used to get extremely upset (not with the person, of course) and emotional. Now it's like a twinge of jealousy if I meet someone with CF who's older than 23. That jealousy probably will never go away in me.
Btw, I think you'll be a great auntie!
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