**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Easter Frog

Happy Easter Noah!

The past few easter's have been bitter sweet for Mummy. Especially religiously.
Church and the bible talk about dying, and living again- and I know it's a special resurrection- the resurrection of Jesus Christ- not a normal human circumstance. But it still makes me sad that YOU didn't come back to Mummy. I know- you were made new in Heaven- no pain, no crying, no yucky tubes in your mouth, and no doctors poking you.. but you also don't have your Mummy. and that is sad.

This year Daddy and Charlotte and I are going to Harbour Breton for Easter. You were there when you were in Mummy's tummy- twice!  We will go visit Great Granddaddy's and Great Poppy and Nanny's grave at the cemetery there- they are all right next to each other.

Here is an Easter frog for you- I saw it and it reminds me of you- everything froggy or giraffe-like does!

I love you Noah.
Love you forever,

Friday, April 8, 2011

Love you Forever

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

This book gets me everytime- I've liked this book since I was a little girl and My Mummy would read it to me.
Maybe you'd be something like this little guy on the cover- being a little mischievous- but just so cute and curious!
Today we remember you- our last moments with you- that out of body experience that happened when we lost you- you were going to die- there was nothing we could do about it.

I love you Noah- thank you for being you. I love that I had 2 days with you- I'm so glad that I get to be your mum, and that I got to kiss your sweet face. It was so nice to see the love on your daddy's face, and the pride in your grandparents eyes.
I love you forever,

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Because Every 3 Year Old Loves Taco's.... right?

Dear Noah Bear,

Well- although you weren't here for your 3rd birthday- we had a little get together anyway. Daddy and I figured that it would be nice to have some people around on your birthday- to celebrate you- not to have a birthday party- but to celebrate the day that you were born, and we became parents!
We invited Auntie and Unca and Tomas, as well as Tomas' girlfriend Aria, and her Mum and Gram. and of course- our Gram came too! Grandma and Poppy would have been there too- but they are in Rome right now!
Yesterday Mummy and Daddy got 3 lots of flowers! It was a lovely surprise!

Then came dinner- we had tacos... because... well-- Mummy LOVES tacos- and she figures that every 3 year old boy must love tacos too! I'm thinking I am going to make it a thing- tacos on your birthday! it's a fun, happy meal! And.. it's easy to make- I cute all the veggies etc. the night before! Here is your little sister eating her tacos- well... the taco ingredients anyway- she is too little to figure out the whole rolling of the taco thing! 

Then- we had cupcakes! Auntie Denise made them- YUM!

After Dinner- your sister had fun with your cousin and friends- she had to work off all that cupcakeness!! 

Latly your sister is LOVING her baby doll- she puts a diaper on her, and covers her in a blanket, hugs and kisses her and pushes her in a stroller. I bet you would have been such a good big brother to your sister- and I'm sure one day, Charlotte will make a good big sister too. 

Charlotte had her froggie pj's on last night- just for you!


tired after all that play and food!

and... the three grandchildren! Norah, Noah and Charlotte! 

Did you have a good birthday? I hope your little friends and your Nan and Grandfathers celebrated with you! I miss you so much Noah Bear. So, so, So, so much! 

3 years seems like a long time, but it's nothing compared to the lifetime ahead of me without you.

I love you forever, 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Birthday Boy

Dear Noah,

It's your birthday! Your 3rd Birthday!

I"m going to try and not make this  a 'pity party' about how you should be waking me up jumping on the bed saying 'It's My birfday It's my birfday'.. opening presents, eating cake, getting whatever YOU want for dinner. I should be singing to you, and hugging you and kissing you as much as I can.

Instead, I will say.

I love you. You are forever my baby boy- but now, are my big boy too. Forever in my heart- forever alive in my heart and soul.
You are Three.
Three years ago today you made me a mother. Something I had been wanting since I was a little girl playing with dollies. No one can ever take that away from us- You made me a mother.
I love you Noah.
I love you so much.
I love you forever,

Here you are- 3 years ago today. Still with the cream in your eyes, just welcomed to the world. You had us from this moment.We thought we'd have you in our arms forever. You are ours- and only physically are you gone. You are loved Noah. Then, Today, Forever.