**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Monday, October 6, 2008


Hi Baby Boy,

I couldn't do it today. I couldn't face the world of people who don't understand and seem like they don't care. I couldn't put up that new 'wall' I have to wear constantly while at work so that people think I am ok. Today I needed a day to just be me, who lost you, who is eternally sad, and won't ever get better. Today I needed to stay in bed as long as I wanted, and cry as much as I wanted, with noone to judge me, or try to make me feel better. I want to be sad today.

Today, my love, you are 6 months old. If you were with me, we would be making yummy food for you, you would probably be crawling soon, you could use your high chair. You would have changed so much. And Daddy and I will never ever get to see those changes in you. Everyday is hard.. but today would have been an exciting milestone for you... you would have learned so much... come so far... loved so much.. been so happy.. and I would have too.

I'll Love You Forever... Forever is so long without you my boy... so long.