**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.
Sometimes it's hard to think about all the things that could have been.
It's been the little things latly- the things that really, in the big scheme of things, don't matter.
Things like... what you would get for Christmas this year? What would you be 'in' to- toy cars? a tv show? barney? trains? doggies?
What size would you wear? Would you be long and lean like your little sister and daddy? Would you be short like Mummy? What would be your favourite colour? Would you like to dress yourself and wear a tie randomly, and shorts on some winter days?
Would Grandma have made you another quilt, for your bed (because you'd be in a real bed now) ?
Would Mummy have gone back to work when you were a year old?
Would you be in daycare? Which daycare would you be in..
So many questions... left unanswered... only to dream about, think about... never to come true.
Oh how I wish I knew your smell, the colour of your hair, the feel of your hugs.
How I wish that Charlotte, Daddy and I had you here with us. It really would be a better place.
A 30 something mother to three. Two beautiful boys, Noah, who lives among the stars and in my heart, and Spencer, my youngest little munchkin, and one beautiful girl, Charlotte, who lives here with us. My blogs are a collections of my thoughts, feelings and ramblings of a women who will forever be changed by all of her children.