the little things

Dear Noah,

Sometimes it's hard to think about all the things that could have been.

It's been the little things latly- the things that really, in the big scheme of things, don't matter.

Things like... what you would get for Christmas this year? What would you be 'in' to- toy cars? a tv show? barney? trains? doggies?
What size would you wear? Would you be long and lean like your little sister and daddy? Would you be short like Mummy? What would be your favourite colour? Would you like to dress yourself and wear a tie randomly, and shorts on some winter days?
Would Grandma have made you another quilt, for your bed (because you'd be in a real bed now) ?
Would Mummy have gone back to work when you were a year old?
Would you be in daycare? Which daycare would you be in..

So many questions... left unanswered... only to dream about, think about... never to come true.

Oh how I wish I knew your smell, the colour of your hair, the feel of your hugs.

How I wish that Charlotte, Daddy and I had you here with us. It really would be a better place.

I love you, I miss you..

Love you forever,
Mummy