**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Can you see the flame from where you are?

Hi Noah Bear,

Today is the beginning of the Olympic games... Mummy LOVES the olympics, for some reason I am obsessed. I was a figure skater for much of my life, and had childhood dreams of being an olympian... of course, that didn't happen- but the Olympics are still soo, soo exciting to Mummy.
It's a little sad this year though. There is an Olympic t-shirt, all the way from Vancouver, bought about 3 years a go when Gramma and Poppy were visiting Vancouver. It's ready for you to wear- but you are not here to wear it.  That makes Mummy a bit sad.
Sure, your sister can wear it- although it will be more like a dress on her, since it was bought for someone who was supposed to be almost 2.
Everything tends to be bittersweet now.. this 'new' life of mine is just so different that I thought it would have been, 2 years ago when I was robustly pregnant with you. Oh how I thought things would be perfect, that innocent, ignorance of pregnancy was surrounding me... a happy time, with darkness waiting in the wings.

As I watch the olympics this year- I will think of you
can you see the flame from heaven?
can you feel the excitement from where you are?
oH- how I wish you were here- and I was teaching you all about the different sports, and athletes.... Oh how I wish you were here, to cuddle on the couch and watch the games with daddy and I.  Oh how I wish, I wish, I wish....
You will always be my boy, our boy.... probably our only boy... definitely our first boy...

I love you forever,


Krista said...

Janey, do you remember in grade 12 skipping first period to watch Bourne & Kratz skate? I showed up at your place before school, and your mum said we could miss first period if it was okay with my mom. And it was! I don't know if you remember that, but I do. The Olympics are very special to me, too.

Hold on to that shirt from your parents! I'm sure Noah appreciates it!

Akul's mama said...

Hugsssss to Noah.

The Blue Sparrow said...

Stop by my blog when you get a chance, there is a suprise there for you in honor of Noah! Happy Valentines!