**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

You've Taught Me

Hi Noah, 
I was thinking while I was driving today that you've taught me a lot- mostly indirectly- but many of these things, because of you, I have learned- or I have at least realized throughout the past 29 months.

You've taught me:
-how precious and fragile life can be.
-to be easier on myself 
-that what other people think doesn't really matter
-that some friends really weren't friends
-that no matter how hard I try, I'm not in control my life, or anyone elses. 
-that your Daddy is the best Daddy to you and your sister
-that love is a precious thing, that should be cherished.
-that stuff isn't as important as people, feelings and time
-that the little interruptions and disappointments in life don't matter much
-that everyone has a tragedy in their life, if we'd only stop to listen, or ask
-that generally, people aren't good listeners
-that being a Mummy to a baby who isn't here is really tough.. but, 
-that being a Mummy is the most wonderful thing in the world- baby here or not.
-that the sun rises and sets each day, no matter what we do
-to make the best out of my life
-that places aren't where you are- instead you are everywhere and everything
-that children are worth living for
-that memories are worth a lot 
-family matters and I depend on them probably more than I should

There's so much more, You've taught me a little about everything. Everything I do is shaped because of you- your life, your death.

I love you baby boy. Love Love Love

Love you forever, 


brigette said...

This is beautiful and so true! I love this.

Julie said...

i wrote a similar post a couple months ago, and they're mostly sucky lessons, and all lessons i'd gladly unlearn in order to have my son back.

Crystal said...

I'm so sorry for your loss...my cousin just burried his daughter. She lived for 4 days. I can't imagine a parent's pain. My mom and dad lost their first born son when he was 3. My prayers are with you and your family.

Crystal from Surviving in Mom-dom