**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Friday, June 10, 2011

A 'What if' Day

Dear Noah,

I love you, my boy.

I love you so very much  that the world does not have enough words to describe it.

It's that love that makes the pain so hard.

More love = more pain, I think.

Mummy is home today with your sister. I love being home with her, playing with her, watching her drink her milk, and fall asleep in my arms.

But, I'm having a 'What if' sort of day.
What if- you were here?
What if you hadn't died?
What if... What if... What if...

I love you baby boy. Yesterday, today and tomorrow too.

Love you forever,
Mummy

2 comments:

Shaina Gadow said...

Those "what if" days are so hard. N and I were there this morning thinking about what are morning would look like if Silas was still here. It hurts, but something in me also likes to think about who he would be and how our life would be right night in that parallel universe where my boy is alive and well.

Sending you love today and everyday.

June 10, 2011 at 9:40 AM
Ana said...

My heart goes out to you always. You are an inspiration more than you know. As always, I wish you the best.

June 18, 2011 at 9:58 PM

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