**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Monday, April 8, 2013

5 Years and a lot of catch-up!

Dear 5 year old Noah,

This week was your birthday.. Imagine- 5 years! I've been thinking about that what if's lately about having a 5 year old boy, planning a birthday party for his Kindergarten class, the excitement of being 5 years old!  I so wish you were here for cuddles.

A lot has happened since I wrote last. I'm sure you know- I know I don't have to write for you to know whats happening with your people :)

Mummy is having another baby- a little brother for you and Charlotte... and.... he arrives in 3 weeks! It's been a good, but tiring pregnancy. Sometimes I don't know if it's my body telling me that 3 pregnancies is quite enough, or that I'm getting too old for this, the fact that I am chasing around a 3 year old,  or if it's the depths of grief raring it's ugly head as the anxiety of birth and the days after takes over. ... but... this pregnancy has been different! Fine, Healthy, but different.

Your brother is scheduled to arrive on a Tuesday, just like Charlotte did.

Here is Charlotte- Excited about being a big sister! 

Here is Charlotte with your memorial stone here in Newfoundland. It is in the memory garden at Bannerman Park. 

Here is your brother at a recent 3d ultrasound!

and again!
We are really excited about your brother being on his way! We can't wait. But it is also a bit bittersweet... our family will be complete after the birth of him, our last child... but... we will never have our first with us again.. we will never really be a whole family to go on vacations or take silly photos or have Saturday morning dance parties with wooden spoons and hair brushes.  

Wanna know what his name will be? Here's a photo to show you!

I love you Noah bear! I miss you so much, and wish I could have given you a big huggle snuggle on your birthday- and every day! 

Love you forever, 


LauraJane said...

congratulations mama.

a lump formed in my throat when I read five years. Wow. And to imagine all your babies together. wow.

I hope the next three weeks fly for you and that Spence is home with you safe and sound.