**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

March

Baby boy, 

Every March since you were born and died has been so hard. I've said it before, but I think the lead up to your birthday is much harder than the actual day. March has always been a time when I wonder... Day dream.. Play the 'what if' game with myself. 
You'd be getting ready for your 6th birthday party. 
Playing in the snow
Making some good friends in kindergarten
Picking out some green clothes to wear for St. Patricks day
Batting your beautiful eye lashes at me while you ask for some sort of superhero figure for your birthday.


I see you in your little brother, and I feel you too.  The way the light hits his face as it shines in the window. The way he looks at me, with wonder and contentment. The way he falls asleep in my arms, like he can't get close enough. 
He is a good boy, and a curious, active boy, he loves life and I think will be the type of little boy who will live life for the two of you! I hope he is! 

I love you Noah, 
Love you forever, 
Mummy 



3 comments:

Krystal Sullivan said...

I just started reading/following your blog. I recently lost my twin boys, and starting writing a blog and reading other people's blogs to help me process what has happened. Your letter to your son is beautiful. I write to Conner and Benjamin all the time, and I know our sons hear us. My thoughts are with you.

Dr. Grumbles said...

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Anonymous said...

I missed my little Noah so much today and typed "I miss Noah" in Google and your site was the first hit.

Though I am now a sobbing mess after reading many of your entries as well as Noah's story, I feel a little better.

Please tell your sweet Noah that he has made a difference to one more person.