**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Hello My Love

Hi Little man,

it is early in the morning, and I have to go to work very, very, soon. I don't feel well today... in lots of ways.. my throat hurts, and I am so sad. I don'tknow if I will be able to make it the whole day today at school. I guess we will see.

yesterday was the first time since you were born that someone asked me if I had kids. it caught me off guard a little- to tell you the truth I expected it a lot more.. but I guess I look young, and don't have any kids with me... and most people know about you, and unfortunatly don't like to bring you up in conversation.. just in case I get 'sad'.... little do they know that I want them to talk about you.. that I am already to sad for my own good.. and ignoring you just makes me sader.
Anyway.. it was Auntie deborah's friend that asked. I said 'Yes, we have a son, but he passed away'.... I do wish I could just say 'yes, I have a son, and he is 6 months old and wonderful.. he is being babysat right now'... I hate that I have to tell peple that you've pased away.. but I do have to. I'm glad I didn't say 'no' to her question. I don't want to ever make it sound like you didn't exist on th is earth, and that we didn't love you more than anything ever in the whole world.

Anyway love, Mummy has to go to work. I wish I didn't.

I love you, Daddy loves you