**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Moving

Dear Noah Bear, 

I love you.. so, so, so, so much. 
We visited you on the weekend! Your stone looks nice, all shiny- and your flowers are still growing nicely. Grammie put a cute froggie solar light there too!  Daddy and I miss you so much!  


In the future, we won't be able to visit you as much at the cemetary.But you know that that's ok- because you know that the cemtary isn't the only place where you are. NOPE-  you are everywhere- you are in the laughs of your sister, you are in the leaves of the trees falling towards the ground, you are in the rising  sun and the shining moon. But most of all- you are in my heart. You will always be in Mummy's heart- no matter what happens, no matter who happens. Always. 


Mummy, and Daddy and Charlotte are moving to Newfoundland. It's a big move, and maybe even a risky one. It's a move that Daddy and I have been talking about for 9 years. it's been a long time coming. Once Mummy's family moved to Ontario in 1993 I just assumed I would never live in Newfoundland again- then, once I feel in love with a mainlander (that's your daddy) I really knew I'd never live in Newfoundland again. It was sad- but your daddy is worth it! 
Then.. Daddy and I took a road trip a long, long time ago- a road trip to Newfoundland so that Daddy could meet my extended family and see this land that I had been marveling about. it was winter- the weather was bad, the roads were bad, and we didn't even see any moose- even though Daddy was constantly on the look out. But.... Daddy fell in love. Daily while we were there, and at least weekly after he talked about Newfoundland- the people, the food, the land, the pace of life, the history and culture.  Mummy began to realize that it wasn't just me who had a longing in the back of my brain... it was Daddy too. 


Charlotte is little, Mummy isn't working, and Daddy doesn't love his job- Brampton is becoming more and more violent (or maybe we are just noticing it more because of you and Charlotte). We've been talking about taking this risk for years- we've never done it because there has always been something holding us back. But we're doing it. We're going to move to Newfoundland. Pack up and go. it will be hard- it many ways- but it will be worth it, and we'll be together, so that's all that matters!


It's very sad for your Grammie and Grampie. I am not sure that they understand our reasoning for going, nor if they support us in going- all I know is that they are sad. Of course they are- they won't get to see Charlotte quite as much- which is a sad thing- I know that would make me sad too. I think (and hope) that in time they will realize that this is the right decision of our little family, but for now- sadness is what it is.  


I love you my little mini monkey. I miss your top lip, your long fingers and your hairy ears! 
I so wish that you were here with us-- that we were making this move with 2 living children- 2 children that everyone could see and everyone would acknowledge- but instead- you'll just have to travel in my heart.  How about that little guy?!


Love you forever, 
Mummy

2 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

What a big move. I hope it all goes well. I will be thinking of you. We might move from our town in the next few years, and it makes my heart ache to leave the cemetery, even though we'd probably only be as far as an hour away. I just like knowing she's just around the corner if I need to go. Like you say though, they are really in our hearts.
xo

Anonymous said...

I TU HAVE LOST SOMEONE CLOSE & THT FEELING TAKES YRS TO CUVER THE PAIN, NO MORE HUGS``,NO MORE KISSESÉÉ NO MORE SWEET SOUNDS OF GIGGLES BUT MOST OF ALL, THAT SICKNESS SCABS OVER IN TIME-- GOOD HEALING IS HARD TO FIND BUT INNER
FEELINGS OF STRENGTH ARE FOUND THROUGH OTHER METHODS I WISH YOUR LOVELY FAMILY THE BEST THAT THE WORLD HAS FOR YOUÉ WE WILL BTFY