**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Back at SickKids

I love you baby bear.... forever.

Mummy, Daddy and Charlotte went to SickKids today to visit with Lori. Lori is the Palliative Care/Bereavement Coordinator at the NICU at SickKids, and because your time there was so short, she was the nurse whom we had the most contact.
It was nice to see her, we went down to the cafeteria and talked for about 2 hours! She hadn't met Charlotte- so it was nice for her to see her.

It wasn't as hard to be there as it was the first time I went back. I think having Charlotte makes it a little easier- because I'm not quite as jealous of all the babies being wheeled around and thriving.. although little boys still pull at my heart strings, I think they always will.
I thought I'd post some more pictures here! I didn't share many pictures at the beginning of my blogging days, because I really didn't know how to upload them- then, once I figured it all out- I didn't really do it much on your blog, mostly on your sisters. Anyway- here are a few photo's of you.. it's amazing how different you look from when you were born, to when you were sick, 2 days later. But- still my little boy, always my little boy...

HERE YOU  are being held up by the nurse when we were in the recovery room! you had a good set of lungs!
Here you are in your little Noah's Ark sleeper! so cute! and so tiny! That's Grammie's hand on your chest! and.. you are wearing the mystery bib. I have kept everything, and have held on so, so , so tight to everything you touched. But.. I can't find that bib. It's been driving  me CRAZY for 2.5 years. CRAZY. I figured maybe i'd find it when I packed up the house for the move.. but not yet.  It's sad to me- you touched it- it was yours... now it's gone. 

I love this picture- I call it your burrito picture- because, well, you look like a burrito! All wrapped up in your blanket!

Here you are with your cute little lips! and Holding on to Grandma's hand!

and here you are... at Sickkids, as we said goodbye. After a surgery that couldn't save you. the beginning a lifetime of tears for a Mummy. 

Love you Love you Love you
Love you Forever, 


Anonymous said...

iwork with your grampie at Shoppers and he was devestated when your little one passed for days he could not talk to anyone without crying in his office. he found it very hard to face reality & I know even though its wrong he blames himself for not spending more time visiting in Branpton. Don`t get me wrong you are part of his world but now with you leaving he somehow blames himself. i`ve consulted with him many times to try to ease his pain but his wife is not supporting his pain,he has lost hope for connecting love. Myself like his other friends are worried about his well being--Iwill be his guardian angel--cause he has many friends who watch out & care for him --hothyfam4evr