**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Little Joys: Mail

Dear Noah,

Mummy just LOVES getting mail.
Really any mail- cards and letters, bills and flyers- I just love mail! It may sound weird to some, but there is some sort of satisfying part of having my name written on something that I get to open up- like a little surprise. Obviously- cards and letters, happy notes and things are so, so much more exciting then junk mail and bills, I'm not crazy. But I do love going to the mail box and finding a surprise!  From what I can remember there has been only one piece of mail that I absolutely despised getting, and that was the 'Todays Parent' magazine that arrived at my house a few days after you died. Yikes- that was a kick in the pants. Daddy, your wonderful daddy, threw the magazine in the recycling bin and called right away and cancelled the subscription- no questions asked.

I love mail, and so I try to send mail as often as I can. I try to remember to keep family updated with photos of your sister- sometimes I send cards for no particular reason at all! Of course, there are times when I forget important birthdays... but, we all do that I think!

I've been so lucky to have some friends who send me mail now and then! It's so wonderful. it seems to be that the busiest friends seem to take time to send mail.

It is at times like these, months like these that mail becomes extra special to me- a reason to get off the couch and check the mail box- something to look forward too.

What is extra special is when people send me cards and mention YOU!  I love seeing your name, hearing your name. I love when people acknowledge your existence and your presence in my life, and even in theirs! This week, I got two cards from friends- for your birthday! One was even addressed to you- something I've never had before!  What a blessing it is to get mail- to get mail that reminds me of you- to get mail that reminds me that people remember you- people who never met you, remember you- people who never met you, have been impacted by you.  Here are the two cards I've gotten- both froggie cards- which makes them extra special, and extra YOU!

 and Look! this one was addressed to you!
That is special to me, and to your daddy.  we don't have a lot to hold on to- and we certainly have nothing 'new' that was yours. So, it is so nice to get mail that reminds us of you! What a blessing it is!

These next couple weeks will be difficult. It's the third time around now- Noah's birthday, without Noah. From experience, I'm expecting the lead up to his birthday to be much worse than the actual day- but to have an overall mad, sad, lazy, depressing, angry month.

I love you Noah. I'm going to try to be a happy Mummy for you and Charlotte- but sometimes, I just can't help it.
I miss you little boy- I know you aren't a baby anymore, but you'll always be Mummy's baby boy.

Love you forever,


Rhonda Mason said...

That is indeed so precious when our precious children are mentioned! Your little Noah is just so beautiful and gorgeous. Remembering him with you...