**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Friday, March 27, 2009


Hi Monkey,

I was reading some blogs by other Mummies who have lost their babies.. and one of them asked me to answer these questions, so I will! http://scarletriver26.blogspot.com/2009/03/under-tree-march.html

Do you have a special place in your home for your baby/ies? What is it like? Do you have any rituals that you perform in memory of your baby/ies?

Everywhere in our home reminds me of Noah. But mostly- his room. It smells like fresh wood, and baby all mixed together. I love going in their, looking at all of the clothes, furniture, and wonderful things we had prepared for his arrival- not knowing that it would be so, so short. Matt (Noah's Dad) has just finished making a toy box which we are going to use for all of Noah's special stuff, like the clothes he wore, his important papers, the book I read at his funeral etc. On Noah's first birthday (April 6th 2009) we are going to go through all of his stuff and organize it into his toy box.
We have planted a tree for Noah, with a plaque, near our house... at Christmas time we decorate it for him!
Each June, PBSO (www.pbso.ca) has a butterfly release which we attend in memory of Noah.
We actually do a lot, every day in Noah's memory... my changed life is in Noah's memory really.. I would be a different person today if Noah never existed. In many way's, most ways, I am a better person because he was here.

.If you believe in an afterlife, do you receive signs from your baby/ies? Have you ever felt their pressence? Do you find them in nature? Do they visit you in your dreams?

I beleive in Heaven, and sometimes, only sometimes, I think of Noah as an angel. Mostly I think of him as a baby. His beautiful, hairy self, at 2 days old.
I haven't recieved signs from Noah.. that I know of.. Or is it that I am not open to it, not able to bear it? I don't know. My dad (Noah's Poppy) feels Noah's presence often, which is wonderful to know.
I have dreamt very little in the past year- Noah hasn't visited me in my dreams.

Do you have a special poem, song, prayer or quote in memory of your baby/ies?

Almost every song reminds me somehow of Noah- literally.

I think the main songs would be

'The Dance' by Garth Brooks
'Slipped Away' by April Lavigne
'Precious Jewels'- an old church song that we sang at Noah's funeral service

I love you Noah... Doing this little question thing helped me.. weirdly enough.. I'd thought about all of these questions before, but had not written much about these topics.. Maybe there will be more to come.
Love you forever,


Anna said...

(((hugs))) Your Noah is beautiful.

2feetonearth1inthestars said...

Your Angle Noah is beautiful. Thank you for sharing a bit about him and you with us

Amy said...

Noah is such a handsome boy! I am sorry he is not with you.

Rebekah said...

Noah is so precious- thank you.