**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Monday, May 17, 2010

fear, fate, faith and Norah

I have been on pins and needles for the last few days.

I feel like my world is crashing down... again.

I don't know what to do.

There is nothing I can do.

Norah, my new niece.

the beautiful, gorgeous blessing to our family

my big brother's baby girl

 has been diagnosed with a Congenital Heart Defect.

She is in the hospital in England.

she is being monitored.

she is stable.

she will need surgery

the questions is when.

My big brother- has a baby with a congenital defect.

I did too.

My baby died.

will his?

Norah is strong

feeding, pooping, sleeping well.

there is a high rate of recovery for this particular heart defect

She will be ok... right?

I know- most who read this, dare not answer that questions

because our stories ended differently.

I fear for her

I fear for my brother and his wife.

Why them?

Why my family?

I can imagine what they are thinking.

It would be different if their nephew hadn't died

they might be less worried.

but infant death isn't 'impossible' in their world.

because of me and Noah.

Please pray with me.

Pray for Norah

The doctors

both families

Pray for me

that I will be able to see things logically

that I will not automatically assume she will die

that I will realize that sometimes good things do happen.

good things do still happen.. right?

some 1st born children are born healthy... right?

have faith, Jane.

your family is not cursed.

here is the little darling :) 
she's far away in england.
we go on August 3rd... counting the days

** If you are a 'facebook' friend of mine, please don't post anything about Norah and being ill on my facebook wall, as requested by her parents. Thanks **


Hope's Mama said...

Oh god, Jane. This stopped me in my tracks. I'm so shocked.
I will be holding on to hope for your entire family.
Sending love and strength.

Krista said...

I am so sorry to hear that.

I'm hoping for the best for Norah.

And I do NOT believe the Godwins are cursed. Sometimes things happen and we don't know why. But it's not a curse.

brigette said...

So so sorry!! I will defianelty keep all of you in my prayers!! You are right... sometimes good things do happen!! Ill pray for the best!

ForeverElliot'sMommy said...

Honey, she is beautiful! And you and your family are not cursed, just aware. I know it sucks, we would all like to have our ignorant bliss back...but being aware can also be helpful! You might worry more, but for good reason, because you know more! I will be praying for your family!

The Blue Sparrow said...

Sending prayers asap! She is a doll Jane. Rest in the Lord and know that we are all praying! *HUGS*

Adriana Davies said...

Thinking and praying for you and that beautiful little baby girl! I know its tough to swallow, but remember because of what happened with Noah, your family is more alert to what needs to be done. Praying for a happy ending! *HUGS!*