**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Dearest Boy,

Today I'm thinking alot about hope... Hope- as in, hope for our future as your family, and Hope- as in, a wonderful women I know's little girl, whose 1st birthday it is in heaven.

I remember your first birthday- it was so hard for Mummy and Daddy, mostly the lead up to it was hard, because I didn't know how I was going to deal with it.. and you know Mummy... always needing to be prepared. But, how can you prepare for the loss of your child, your first child, after a wonderful pregnancy.. like you, my Noah, and Sally and Simon's Hope.

Today will be a hard day for Hope's Mummy and Daddy too.. everyday is a hard day for someone whose lost a child- but the first birthday- that's the toughest so far.

I miss you Noah, I wish you were here to see Mummy's tummy growing because of your baby sister- I wish you were here to help us pick out some clothes for her, and to come to the hospital to see her when she is born... I wish, I wish, I wish... these wishes will never be granted.

I wish noone else would ever lose a child-- this wish can never be granted either.
I wish Hope's parents and the little, beautiful little boy growing inside her Mummy's tummy find peace today, some solace from the ongoing storm of grief, and some comfort that they have a beautiful daughter watching over them, knowing that she is loved. I hope this wish is granted.

Love you forever,


Akul's mama said...

What a hunger this is to crave for your child's touch..how I crave to hold and feel Akul...every day.

Hope's Mama said...

Oh Jane. Thank you so very, very much.
You're too kind.