**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Monday, August 25, 2008


Hi Monkey,

Today was my first day back at work full-time. It was an easy day- because there were no kids.. just me in the classroom cleaning up and organizing.

I miss you so much. I wish so much that you were here. I see famillies with strollers and babies, and pregnant bellies.. and it makes me need you even more- why do they get to have their children, and I don't get to have you?? Sometimes I see people yelling and their kids, or putting their kids in messy messy dirty cars, or feeding them pop... it makes me so sad- that they can have their kids and I can't have you. Life isn't fair is it. You didn't even get a chance.

Somedays I just don't know what to do.. I wish I could be with you, or you could be with me. I wish I could turn back time.
I just need to cuddle you and look into your beautiful eyes.
I need you to know that I love you so much Noah. I've never loved anything like I love you. Nothing will ever be the same.
I want April 7th back.
I wouldn't ever let you go.

I love you
I love you
I love you
I'm so sorry this happened to you.


ghostdog said...

I remember after Jack passed away (And I guess still today) whenever my wife and I would see anyone smoking in their car with their baby I just wanted to pull them over, show them the picture of Jack and scream at them.