**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Mummy Can't Sleep

Hi Monkey,

Thanks for sending us a rainbow yesterday evening... it was lovely.. I was just telling you Dad the other day how we haven't seen a rainbow in a long time.

It's 1:30 in the morning right now.. Daddy is sound asleep.. I couldn't sleep, so I came downstairs so my moving around wouldn't waken him. Some nights are just terrible without you. I wish I were up because you needed me, because you neded your bum changed, or were hungry.. not because I am missing you.

Mummy and Daddy haven't been up to much latly.. life is kind of standing still.. I wish it would move faster some days.
Mummy and Daddy really are trying to make you a big brother!! It isn't going so well because Mummy is having some issues with cycles.. I don't expect you to know anything about that! What I do want you to know is that we love you, and we want to make you a big brother, we want to make sure that all of the stuff that was meant for you gets used by someone you would have loved and adored. It would bring more joy to Mummy and Daddy's life to have a little sibling for you... I do hope it happens soon.. remember though.. no matter what happens in our lives.. you will always be loved, you will forever be our first child.. noone can take that away from you. You will always be perfect, and never replaced.

We love you Noah.
We love you so much