**Disclaimer** If you know me in my 'real' life and stumble across this blog- please know that I write here for healing, and to feel close to my Noah, and close to my grief. At times these letters may seem sad, angry, and at times, crazy. Please don't worry about me- this is how I help myself heal. If you have questions, just ask- if you know me well at all, you know that I love talking about my Noah.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Daddy is sleeping

Hey Munchkin,

I am right next to your daddy right now.. he is sleeping, but I can't sleep tonight. He has always been a good sleeper- I wish I was blessed with the ability to sleep right now.. I'm tired, emotionally and physically and mentally. Thoughts of you, and our time together often keep me awake- I day dream about your beautiful face, and toes, and fingers. I can't help but remember all of the wonderful moments we spent together. I remember waking up that first night in the hospital- you were on me- I had fallen asleep when we were trying to get you to eat- your daddy was looking at us, watching us, I could tell he was so proud of you- he still is. He is such a good daddy- the best! But you know that!
When I do finally get to sleep- I don't dream. I used to, before you were born, and left us- but not anymore- I don't think I've had one dream- not that I remember anyway. Maybe one night soon you can come to me in my dreams- and maybe cuddle and hug me- I'll feel you, I know I will!

Your puppy Casey is doing well, he is taking care of us. He is keeping us busy- and making sure that I get out for walks!

Your Kitties are doing well too.. Bella has gotten a little strange and has started to eat Casey's food, and Beau Beau's eye is still looking a little icky- but I am trying to be a good mummy to him, and keep is clean, so it will heal.

Your grandmas and grandpas miss you so much- and they are worried about your daddy and I. They call alot, and see us when they can. I bet you are so glad that you got to see them! They love you soo much!

I should try to get some sleep now, like your daddy.
I love you baby boy- Come visit me tonite in my dreams, we can have a little cuddle before I wake up for another tricky day.
Love and Kisses